This is something I feel passionate about.

When we decide to go down a certain route in life it is so important to acknowledge our own role in making that decision, that choice, and our role in taking the steps down that road. You will of course have explored the different options to having a family before making the choice to adopt.

I think once you have made that decision to start the adoption process it’s important to move away from what you may been dreaming family life will look like, and make the choice to face a different path. The path that can be a lovely, difficult, fun, exhausting, joyful, heartbreaking, amazing roller coaster ride that is parenting an adopted child.

It may be that you have tried to have a baby naturally or been through various failed fertility treatments. It may be that you are single or gay or you have a family already and are looking at adopting. So often I hear through the therapy work I do people not taking responsibility for the choices they make. ‘I have to work, I have no choice we can’t afford for me not to’ is one I hear often from parents. Yet when we back track and check out the reality often this is because at some point a choice has been made to live in a certain area, live in a bigger house and have a certain lifestyle.

Which is all fine, of course, but it’s important to recognize when you make a choice that it is you that made the choice and to own it. Understand there will be consequences-good and difficult-with the choices we make in life, and that sometimes those choices may then limit future choices. The same goes for adoption. Yes, there may be external pressures, you may be a family member and feel you have no choice but to adopt a child who is a relative up for adoption. Reality is it is still a choice. You may make the decision that you have to, but do acknowledge to yourself that there’s an alternative and you are choosing to adopt. Own your decision.

When you have your adopted child home and it is much tougher than you expected you may feel at times you wished you’d made a different choice or you may feel that however hard it is you are sooo glad you made that choice to adopt. Acknowledging that this is a choice helps you stay grounded in moments of hardship and stops you seeing yourself as a victim and helps you own your choice.